SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
