WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Randomize
