I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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