While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
