hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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