don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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