If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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