you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
