FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
