It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
