i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
