she woke up with a sticky ear
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
