Kiss
Puke
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
