do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
