i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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