It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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