just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
