There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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