i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
