How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
