Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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