I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
