that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
