dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
