home. puking in laundry basket.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
