So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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