my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
