Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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