That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Four minutes until I can fart!
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
