Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
