fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
