and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Randomize