need another drink. this is the easiest way
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
