this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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