He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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