Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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