you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
