Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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