masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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