when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
