Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize