They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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