carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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