I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize