we made out on top of his cat.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
