Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
