Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
