SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
