Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
