i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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