You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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