I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
