the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
