i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
