sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
