She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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