and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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