Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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