In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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