The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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