well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
