I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
