I hate your face
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
