At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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