i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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