But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
