Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
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