Can i not drive my cunt home
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
