the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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