I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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