i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
