At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
