The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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