my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
