you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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